I have a confession. This year has been rough.
There were a lot of new babies born in 2018. LOTS of babies. I keep a prayer journal where I can list special prayer requests. At one time, I had written down 13 names of friends, family members, co-workers, or acquaintances who were expecting babies. And every time I crossed one off, it seemed another was added.
And then there was the wedding of a very dear loved one. I watched the plans taking place throughout the year. The excitement spilled over into every detail shared.
Before I go on, let me emphasize that I never, for one second, begrudged any of these individuals their happiness. I was truly happy to watch the stories that God had written for each one play out.
But it was hard, too.
I shared my testimony a few years ago about how God helped me to accept my singleness and even be happy with where I am. I found contentment and blessings in my present state. And I still do.
But that doesn't mean I don't slip. I'm human and I have bad days, too.
I know part of the problem is my own fault. I've let my times with God fall by the wayside. I don't mean I turned away from Him, or even that I wasn't praying anymore. I read my Bible every morning and evening, and I talk to God constantly throughout the day.
But I neglected those intimate times with just me and Him, talking to Him, listening, studying and meditating on His Word. I made excuses instead. Too busy. Too tired. Weeks or even months would go by without those intentional prayer times.
As a result, I found myself growing more discontented, stressed, and frustrated about life in general. When I took a step back to evaluate my attitude, I was reminded of what I had been missing. As with any relationship, if you neglect to spend time with someone you love, that connection will fade and the relationship will suffer.
However, I am thankful for what hasn't changed. God is still there. He didn't leave me while I was floundering. He stayed there, waiting for me to come to my senses.
And I still know that the restlessness in my spirit would not have been fixed by planning my own wedding or awaiting my own baby. Oh, sure they would've added joy. But that deep, inner part of me can only be filled by God's presence in my life. He is still all I need.
That doesn't mean I won't have bad days. It doesn't mean that I won't feel a bittersweet pull on my heart when I hear another wedding or birth announcement. But I know that the Lord is still there, wrapping me in His love. Filling me with His peace. Keeping me...
In His grip!
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."