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...a conversation.
My sister and I were sitting in my room, discussing where our lives were at that point. I won't deny that some frustration was expressed. We were both single and ready for something to change. And obviously we couldn't snap our fingers and change our single status. But we could change something about ourselves. As the conversation wore on, we both decided that we were done letting our singleness hold us back from new challenges. So the next question became, what can we do NOW? If you've ever been a part of our conversations, you know that we bounce back and forth among multiple topics, and always seem to bring it back to the core topic. At some point, we lamented how hard it was to find the kind of clothes we like. You know, typical sister, women chatter. But I finally stopped and looked at Holly and asked, "Then why don't we open our own boutique?" I could tell the idea had instantly taken root in Holly's mind. We continued to talk about the possibilities and the potential problems. Who were we to think of running our own business?? At this point, I have to pause and explain that a couple of our cousins had recently opened their own shops in our small town. Both were smart, capable women, but as far as I knew, neither had any training or certification in the business world. But their shops had garnered attention and they were enjoying the experience. It's thanks to those two ladies that Holly and I realized that opening our own boutique WAS possible. And we were capable! From that conversation in my bedroom, things steamrolled. We discussed it with our family, researched, dreamed, planned, and prayed. And then we finally took the plunge, stepped out on faith, and made the announcement to the world. We would soon be the co-owners of Potosi' newest small business, Wish Granted Boutique. Emily came up with the name. We had gone over lists of potential names, but either they were already taken or they just didn't fit. We liked how our name was represented, and considering that we were going to focus on modest clothing that traditional, conservative women wished for, we thought the concept was fitting. I know our announcement raised a lot of eyebrows and drew a lot of skepticism. Neither of us are considered to be at the height of fashion. There's no denying we like our comfy, casual clothes. But casual girls like pretty clothes, too, just like the majority of the female population. We sensed a lot of doubt and even more apathy from our friends and family. Fortunately, there were some that showed their support from the very beginning, and continue to do so. But we pressed on. And we did it. I can't say the road's been easy or even wildly successful at this point. But the experience is one neither of us would have had if we'd not taken the initiative and just did it. I for one, have no regrets, and I know that Holly feels the same. We learned a lot about ourselves. We developed a stronger relationship with each other. We found out who our friends are. We discovered the joy of having something to offer to the community. We had fun playing with clothes. And we're not done yet. We have dreams and plans for our little boutique, providing we can keep it up and running, of course! Lol. And even if everything falls flat and it doesn't work out. Again, no regrets. :) I guess if I had one moral of this story, it would be this: don't wait. Don't wait for things to get better or for that significant other to show up or for a more convenient time. If you have an opportunity, take it now. Pray about it, plan for it, prepare for it, pursue it. Don't stop dreaming! We love you guys and want to give a shout-out to all those wonderful people who continue to support this endeavor. Thank you! It's because of you that our store has lasted this long. We've made it past our first year mark! And still counting. God bless you all and may the Lord bless you and keep you... In His Grip! Crystal and Holly
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On April 22nd, one week ago, my grandma took her last journey. It was a rough two weeks for her family, watching her slowly decline. She was a tough woman and hung on as long as she could. But her struggle to breathe, her discomfort and pain, and her restlessness is over.
It's hard for the family to let her go, obviously. But there is peace in knowing where she is. Because she gave her heart to the Lord several years ago, I know I will see her again. Grandma did not have an easy life. Her husband, my grandpa, was an alcoholic and it was a struggle trying to raise nine kids. She was poor for much of her life. In her last few years, she was unable to get out much at all and was confined to a chair or her bed. She was in and out of the hospital for various issues that would arise with her health, including knee replacement and open heart surgery within the last couple of years. I was her very first grandchild. And I'll be honest; I was not as close to my grandma as some of the other grandkids. There were no hard feelings between us, or anything like that. It was just how it was. I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me, and I felt the same for her. Grandma was not what many would consider to be affectionate. But she never turned down a hug or kiss. And if you told her you loved her, she always said it back. In her last two weeks, every time I would leave, I made a point of telling her goodbye and that I loved her. When she was able, she always replied with, "I love you, too." Her last words to me. We all liked to pick on her for her...shall I say, curiosity? Grandma liked to know what was going on! She called my mom a lot, just to see what she was doing. She would share the latest news she had on the family or community. And then she would hang up until the next phone call. Most of their conversations lasted between 2-5 minutes. But there were a lot of them. Sometimes multiple times a day. Though she did not get out much, she wanted to know what was going on in our lives. When she found out my sister and I were opening up a shop, she was happy for us. In the first few weeks, she would ask my mom every day how the store was going. Every time mom told her, her reply would be something like, "Oh, Good. I hope it does good for them." Even though we did not share a lot of common interests (I enjoy reading and southern gospel; she liked bingo and Loretta Lynn), I found that there were still some things I learned from her life. Grandma did not fuss for pity or attention. Even when she was sick, she did not complain. Whether people were trying to get her to walk on a broken foot (unbeknownst to anyone) or she was struggling to breathe, if asked how she was feeling, her standard reply: "I'm fine." She did not need or want material things. When her birthday or Mother's Day rolled around, she never asked for anything. If she got a new set of pajamas or a gift card to one of her favorite restaurants, she was happy. I guess one of the things I admire the most about Grandma was the way she stood by my grandpa, despite some really tough times. My grandpa was a good man and he loved his family, but he struggled with alcoholism for years. Fortunately, he eventually surrendered his life to the Lord a few short years before he died. He was not a perfect man, but he knew the Lord and was changed because of Him. But my grandma loved him even before that. When many women would have walked away, she stayed faithful to him, cared for him, loved him. And she missed him when he was gone. She told a couple of her daughters a few months ago that she just wanted to go be with him. She never gave up on him. Grandma did not give up on her kids or grandkids, either. No matter what they did or how many times they did it, she would not turn her back on them. Even if others thought she was being too generous. She was always willing to forgive them, to give them another chance. But the most important lesson I learned from Grandma's life is that it is never too late. I prayed for most of my life that she would become a Christian. That she would realize her need for a Savior and make the decision to accept him. And almost three years ago, she did just that. There was no fear in her last few weeks. Days before she died, she told some of her family that she wanted to go. When asked where, she told them Heaven. She knew where she was going, and she was ready. She's there now, with her husband, her parents, and several of her siblings. And I know that she would want nothing more than to know her family will join her. I'm so thankful that God provided a way so that we could share an eternity with Him. I'm thankful His Son was willing to die on that cross to cover our sins. I'm thankful for the gift of salvation. And when we accept that gift, we can rest assured that we will see our loved ones again. We have that blessed hope in one day saying "Hello" after we've said our last goodbye. Grandma's presence will be missed. But I am at peace knowing she is happy, she is whole, she is safe... In His Grip! Crystal "We are confident, I say, and willing rather TO BE ABSENT FROM THE BODY, AND TO BE PRESENT WITH THE LORD." 2 Corinthians 5:8 I remember as a girl standing by while others, adults and kids a like, made over another girl. "She's so pretty." "I just love her hair."
This carried over into my teen years. In church camp the year I was thirteen, I listened as a mom and another counselor discussed how many invitations to the end-of-camp banquet their girls had gotten. One of those girls was fair, blonde, and outgoing. The other had beautiful dark eyes and tan complexion. That moment always stuck with me, even years later. I did not get one invitation, and because those girls were beautiful, I had to assume it was because I was not. In another instance, my mom, who was the teen Sunday school teacher, mentioned how everyone wants to be beautiful. Another one of my friends threw out the names of a couple girls we both knew. Of course, I was not one of them. Just one more point to prove what I was already believing. As I grew older, it always seemed to happen that I was the friend of a particularly attractive individual. I would hear the compliments on their hair, figure, eye color, etc. etc. And because of those incidents in my childhood, I knew I was not the kind of person to draw that kind of praise. Now, I don't say all this to generate pity or to bewail the scars I carried over into my adulthood. (Seriously, there are no scars. Just memories. And lessons.) None of these people meant any harm and they certainly did not mean to hurt me or make me feel inferior. And I can look back and honestly say that I was not an ugly child. I was a skinny little brown-eyed girl with a crooked smile and a love for people. A little awkward at times, maybe, but cute in my own right. But it did take a while for me to start seeing myself differently, due to those experiences. I lived my teenage and early adult years believing I was not attractive. Because I did not hear it from other people. Or even worse, I heard it about other people instead. And I still see it happening today. But this time, I'm noticing those other little girls that aren't hearing what they yearn to hear. In one particular instance, a couple first grade teachers were making over a little girl in my class. I don't remember what for. Her outfit or just her overall "cuteness." But as they were talking, my eyes drifted to one of my other students who was listening in, hearing every word. This little girl was taller and heavier than her peers. Her adult teeth had already come in the front. So she was bigger than all her friends, had a big, toothy grin, and looked a bit awkward at times. I wondered how many times people remembered to tell her she was beautiful. I see it on Facebook all the time. Someone posts a cute pic of their little girl and instantly get flooded with likes and comments. "Gorgeous!" "She's adorable!" "I love those eyes!" "Stunning!" And inevitably, there's always the girls who just don't get as many comments on their pictures. And maybe they're too young to realize it or care. But their mothers do. And someday, those little girls will notice. I'm not saying we need to remember to gush over every child's physical appearance. I'm actually saying the opposite. There's always some who got overlooked, forgotten, and left out. I was one of those girls. And it doesn't always feel good. So the next time you're getting ready to make over a little girl's outfit or hairstyle or features, remember that someone's going to overhear. And they're going to walk away thinking, "I must not be as cute as they are." My sister and I have talked about this many times. It bothers us how much people are drawn by the physical beauty of these kids. They're setting them up to either feel that they are more beautiful than the rest of the world, or that they can never be seen as pretty. Odd thing is, my sister was one of those fussed over. She was tiny, cute, and shy with big blue eyes. The older girls just loved fussing over her, holding her, playing with her. But fortunately, she did not let it all go to her head. And she seeks out those girls whose confidence may be lacking. In my class, I call all my girls gorgeous. And I always get a beaming smile in return. I hope they remember that their teacher thought them just as beautiful as the next girl. Now, let me pause for a moment and make this statement. I know we're not supposed to focus on the outward appearance. Ultimately, that's not what it's important. The Bible makes mention of that in 1 Samuel. ("...for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.") And I certainly don't want to get hung up on the wrong thing. But the fact is, we're human. We crave to hear that someone thinks we're attractive. We don't want to walk through life believing that we don't measure up. Our confidence is hinged to a great extent on what we look like. It's not the way it's supposed to be. But it's the way it is. So what am I saying? That we should stop complimenting others? Or that we should make a fool over selves babbling over everyone? No, that's not it at all. I'm just hoping I can make people stop and think: "Am I hurting someone else with my words?" "Is there someone else who could use an encouraging word or boost?" Remember the other girls. They need to hear it, too. In the mean time, I pray that all of you feel secure in yourself, that you are confident in the person God made you to be, and that you remain safe... In His Grip! Crystal Wanna know a secret? There is nothing or no one who is going to make you happy this year. There's no accomplishment you can do, no place you can go, no money you can earn, and no promotion you can gain that will bring you happiness. Your friends won't make you happy. That man or woman of your dreams certainly won't do it. And here's a real kicker: that perfect little baby, whom you love with all your heart and would absolutely die for, will not ultimately make you happy. Nothing or no one will.
"Wait a minute, Crystal," you say. Isn't this rather depressing for a beginning of the year message? It's not meant to be depressing, but it is a hard lesson to learn. And absolutely true. Don't believe me? Check out the divorce rate. According to the American Psychological Associtaion, 40-50% of married couples end up in divorce. I know the reasons vary, but the fact remains that they divorced because they were, what? Unhappy. What about the suicide rate? CNN reports that in the years between 1999 and 2014, suicides increased to 28% among men and 60% among women. And you can bet that a lot of those were married people. It's sad. So many husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, so unhappy, despite having spouses and families, that they decide to end their life. And as terrible as this sounds, how many stories have you heard or read of parents killing their own children? Their very own blessings from God. I can't count the times I've seen a news report where a mother or father is charged with the abuse, neglect, or murder of their son or daughter. Think about the drug addictions, alcoholism, depression, etc. that you see on a daily basis all around. People who are grasping at something, anything that will bring them some joy and peace. Happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. My mind immediately goes to some very high profile figures very well known and loved throughout the nation and even the world. They had recognition, relationships, respect. They had families, whom they loved, I'm sure. They had successful careers and plenty of money to buy whatever they wanted. They had expansive and beautiful homes. Everything someone could possibly want. Yet they wallowed in drug or alcohol abuse. They left their families. And some even ended their lives. Why? Because, despite everything they had, they weren't happy. I can hear you now. "All right fine. Now that you've gone and depressed me, what's the moral of your story?" Haven't you guessed it by now? This is a lesson I learned myself. I was convinced that my life would start, my future would open, my prospects would brighten if I could just find that "special someone." I couldn't be happy until I married. I was so sure of this, I tried to convince God of it as well. "See how miserable I am, God? I can never be happy in this state. Please send me my prince charming." "When I have my own family, when I hold me own child in my arms, then, THEN, I will know true happiness." But the happiness never came. Or so I thought. You see, I had it backwards. Those things were not what I was missing to know true joy. While a family and a good career and money in the bank are certainly nothing to run away from, they are not what brings joy. I figured that out (finally!) because so many people around me had those things, and they were still so unhappy. But here's the good part: I find happiness. I found it in Jesus. Now, I know that sounds cliche and all, but it's the truth. I discovered and realized that even if I met the most perfect man and had the most beautiful children in the world, I was not going to feel any better. In fact, I may feel worse, because I would wonder what was wrong me me? I had everything I ever wanted. When I completely surrendered, I mean literally gave up that notion, I found true peace in my life now. Despite the fact that I've never married and held my own baby in my arms. I found joy, happiness if you will, but falling in love with Him and letting Him fill my empty arms and heart. And I've never been happier. There was something truly freeing about giving up on my dreams and plans and letting Him work out His plan for my life. I still have questions, sure. But I know, even through the tears and loneliness, that I would still choose Him over anything else. Over a guy who things the sun rose and set in me. Over a precious baby with tiny fingers and toes. Because in the end, He's the only One who can fill my heart and leave me content. Don't fall in that same trap. Don't live with the assumption that if you can just get...(fill in the blanks here), you'll be happy. Because you won't be. Oh, you may have season of smiles and warm and fuzzy feelings. But the magic will fade. And you'll realize that you've achieved all your dreams, but stilll feel like something's missing. I feel so blessed to have learned this now. I can't imagine being any happier or more content than I am right now. I have Jesus. He lives in my heart. He guides me every day. He loves me, despite myself. He has great things for me. He died for me. (What greater love could I ask for?) He's enough for me. I hope, whether you are single, married, childless, or a parent, you will discover this level of happiness I'm talking about. May you find true joy so that those blessings you receive will be all the more appreciated. May Jesus have first place in your heart, so that you will know the privilege of living this life with Him. May you love Him above and beyond anything or anyone else, so that you will be able to love like He does. And may you always be kept... In His Grip! Crystal Happy New Year! I love New Year's Day. A day we can move forward, make a new start, turn an empty page, set new goals. I'm sure many of you have already made your New Year's Resolutions. One of mine is to do a better job of keeping up with this blog! (I'll share a little more of what I hope to see accomplished this year in future posts.) While we are all looking forward to the future, to the untouched potentail of 2017, let us never forget what God has already brought us through and what He's already done for us and in us in 2016. May we always remember just who He is. Let us take a moment or two of every day to thank Him and glorify Him for all we've already witnessed of His power and glory and mercy. Let us thank Him every chance we have for saving us and always keeping us... In His Grip! Crystal P.S. Check out this song by one of my favorite groups! Merry Christmas! I know, the greeting's a little late. No doubt your holiday festivities have wrapped up and you're thinking about cleaning up the mess it left behind. But, who says we can't still be merry and remember the spirit of Christmas after December 25th?
If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE Christmas. Everything about it. The music. The food. The movies. The parties. The church programs. The shopping. The atmosphere. And I throw myself in it wholeheartedly, indulging my senses with the baking, decorating, and memory making. I don't wait around to start it. My tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving. By then I'm already listening to my favorite artists' Christmas albums. My DVR is set to record Hallmark movies. I'm practicing my song for Christmas Sunday. I've got a few packages already hidded away. The same routine every year. And I love it. This year my Christmas was a little...different than usual. I look back and laugh at how scattered and unorganized it was. Seriously. Let me give you a little idea of what I mean. It took me forever to get to my Christmas shopping. Now, I'm not one of those people who has all their Christmas bought within the first week of December. I am usually still finishing up my list a few days before Christmas. And I don't dread the idea of shopping or drag my feet. But this year I just didn't start when I normally would. No reason why, really. I just kept forgetting to start or other things would get in the way or I just wasn't in the mood. (Now, mind you, I didn't say I wasn't in the mood for Christmas. Just not in the mood to start my shopping.) I think I was well into December before I bought my first item. And I finished the last of my shopping on December 23rd. And on Christmas Eve, I was still wrapping and completing last minute touches to some of my projects. And along with my shopping, I found that I didn't pull out my Christmas decor out right away. I had my tree up, decorated and ready as usual on the day after Thanksgiving. But aside from a few porcelain Christmas dolls, the rest of my stuff was still packed away. And on the day we planned to finally get it all out and decorate the house (the second Friday in December), my water pipes froze and burst, flooding my living room AND kitchen. You talk about a mess! All my furniture was pushed to one side of the room. My cute little Christmas tree was essentially shoved to a corner, surrounded by stuff. I couldn't even get to it to plug in the lights. And my carpet was soaked. My padding was soaked. My dish towels were soaked. Some food items were ruined. All my bath towels were scattered throughout the house, soaking up excess water. My fan was going nonstop trying to dry as much as it could reach as fast as possible. And due to the fan, the water, and the exposed concrete, my living room was cold! To add to the list, I ended up sick with the flu for a couple days, my sister ended up missing several of our usual traditional events due to sickness, we MISSED Christmas Sunday due to weather, we got a late start on our Christmas baking, I had a classful of super-excited six-and-seven year olds that I had to rein in long enough to teach them something (anything!), and lots of other things that just seemed to keep cropping up this year. And on top of all this, my sister and I opened up a business! (You talk about staying busy!) Trying to juggle all the business affairs of our little boutique was quite a new experience. And probably contributed to me being late in starting my own Christmas tasks. So, to make a long story short, my Christmas calendar did not pan out quite the way it usually does. My Christmas activities did not unfold like they have in times past. There was a lot of things I had to put aside. My house did not get put back together until a few days before Christmas. Most of my decor never made it out of the the tote boxes. My shopping and gift exchanges were somewhat unfinished by the time the big day rolled around. With all the busyness of our store, I felt like I was spinning around in circles. But in dealing with all this "stuff," I learned something about myself this year. None of it mattered. I didn't get bogged down with what I didn't get to do, or stressed with what I had yet to finish. As my sister and I discussed one night (while we were pulling up our carpet to dry) the reason for the season was still the same. It was still the celebration of Jesus' birth, a reminder of why He came to earth. How much Christmas spirit I had did not depend on how many movies I was able to watch or how many presents I managed to purchase. It was never the "fluff" of Christmas that brought me such satisfaction and enjoyment during the holiday season. It was the joy of knowing Him. Now, that may not seem like such a big deal to you, but to me it was. I ended up having a very merry Christmas indeed, despite all the hang-ups and hitches and hindrances. Because I have Him living in my heart. Because I could share this haphazard holiday with my family and friends. And because I rest in the knowledge that I am... In His Grip! Crystal Recently I went to a co-worker's baby shower, and when it was over, I walked away without feeling like I wanted to find a corner and cry. Seriously. That's a big deal. I can't count the baby showers, bridal showers, or weddings I've attended where I had literally had to fight the tears. I'd hold myself together until I got home, then let myself have that cry.
But not this time. I watched the mommy-to-be, looking adorable and sweetly tired, and felt nothing but happiness for her and her husband. They will be awesome parents, living out their faith in God before their little son. Shortly after the shower, a day or two later, another co-worker's precocious son unexpectedly stopped by my classroom before school started. Out of the blue, the sweet and curious second grader asked if I was married yet. I believe his exact words were: "Are you not married yet?" When I gave my standard answer that no, I was not married yet, he proceeded with his next question, asked with a trace of impatience: "When are you gonna get someone?" After I explained that I didn't know when I was going to "get" someone, he promptly turned around and scurried away, ready to begin his school day. Whereas me? I searched my feelings. No sharp pierce to the heart at the reminder his innocent (if not nosy!) question stirred. I felt like laughing. Yes, I'm still unmarried and no, I don't know when I'm finally going to "get" someone. But instead of wanting to chase him out of my room, I chuckled when he left and wondered where those random questions came from. So, I'm amazed once again at God's provision and at how far He's brought me. These two separate events showed me once again the healing He's applied to my heart. Do I still long to be married and have my own baby? Sure. No doubt. But for now, I'm okay. God's given me a testimony to share, and I'll share it as long as I'm able. (Even if I do wait months between blog posts!) I'm in His will. I'm in His hands. And I'm safe... In His Grip! Crystal Hey, everyone! I want you to meet the king of the house! This is my sweet boy, Snickers!  He's really rather easy to live with, though he does like to hog his favorite chair! He's loyal, loving, and affectionate. And he's so excited to see me when I walk through the door after work! Have you ever stopped to wonder how much better off we'd be if we were more like our pets? No, really, I'm actually being serious! We'd do well to take a lesson from our furry little companions. Take Snickers, for instance. All he asks for is to be fed and watered. A soft, comfortable bed makes him literally sigh with contentment. And if I give him an extra treat once in a while, he's my friend for life! A few minutes to play or snuggle, and I've got one happy, little dog. Now, what if we took that same attitude ourselves? How many times do we get stressed, annoyed, or angry because we don't get something we probably don't really need? Even when we're provided with our basic needs, with a few extras tossed in for good measure, we whine and complain because we don't have more. I've never gotten a hint of dissatisfaction from Snickers because he doesn't get dessert or a designer collar or special trips and toys. He just accepts what he has and moves on. Have you ever watched dogs interact with one another? Some tail wagging and sniffing as they introduce themselves. Then they're friends. They'll go off to explore the world together and play. Now, they may get into a scuffle once in a while, but generally, once it's over, it's forgive and forget. My mom's lab and sister's hound/great Dane mix like to play tug of war with the rope, until one gets mad. After they express their feelings, there's some licking and all is well. And they never stop trying to befriend that cranky dog in the neighborhood, even if they get their head bit off in the process. What if we took on that same attitude with our family, friends, and co-workers? No gossiping or cold shoulders. And sometimes a conflict that can be resolved by talking openly with the one who's wronged us and moving on. And what if we kept trying to reach out to those difficult ones? Snickers is loyal to a fault. He misses me when I'm not home. He'll sit outside the bathroom door and wait for me. He'll whine if I leave him inside while I step out to do some yardwork. Nine times out of ten, he'll choose my lap over anyone else's. When I come home from work or a visit with my parents or an oh-so-long walk to the trash can, he greets me with so much excitement and relief. A big smile. Tail wagging. Feet dancing. Tail lolling. And it doesn't matter if I've just gotten him in trouble for getting in the trash or locked him in his crate for a couple hours or ran out of his favorite treats. He's just happy to be with me. Oh, that we would take that attitude concerning our relationship with our heavenly Father. When was the last time we danced with joy over being in His presence? Or felt limb-trembling excitement at the thought of spending time with Him? Have you ever groaned with longing for Him? Or felt that it had been too long since you heard His gentle whisper in your spirit? Have we expressed our genuine gratitude for the things He's provided us, or did we turn our noses up? Do we wish to be with Him more than any other individual in our life? Do we truly love our Master the way our dogs love us? So, what has my schnauzer done for me, beside empty my wallet a little sooner, wrinkle my bedspread, and chew up my chap stick? He's shown me unconditional, unending love. He expresses utter delight and joy in the time we share together. He reaches out to others, no matter their size, breed, or color. He accepts what he gets with contentment and gratitude. That's some pretty powerful stuff to be such a small fur ball. I think it would do us all good to take a moment to consider the lessons our four-legged friends can teach us. Maybe by watching our pets, we can learn to by better humans, more compassionate and content to be... In His Grip! Crystal "But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee..." Job 12:7a
So, I kinda had an "off" day. Well, more like an off hour, because it didn't last the whole day. I'm sitting in my second day of training, preparing for the new school year. We have an awesome presenter with some important stuff to share. I'm surrounded by my wonderful co-workers. And I'm excited about this new year coming up. When I suddenly went into a slump. It's not the first time it's happened, though, fortunately, this is the first time in about 3 years. I don't even know what triggered it. I've been feeling really good lately, looking forward to a new start in teaching and content with my life. But somehow, in that moment, I felt invisible. All my previous insecurities came crashing down around me. I looked around me and saw everyone sharing their summer stories about their kiddos and significant others. A couple teachers were back after having beautiful babies over the summer. Several mothers-to-be were glowing with the evidence of new life growing with them. And I was alone. It was the lowest point I'd hit in a while. I struggled to keep a brave face, but I felt like I was sinking. Again. No one knew me, no one cared, and no one needed or wanted me. (Of course, none of this was really true, but I was convinced in the moment.) All I wanted to do was get away, go home, and maybe cry. And I still had another hour of training, plus the rest of the day to work before I could leave. And then Open House later in the evening, where I would get to meet my students and their parents. I was in no condition to be meeting anybody. I opted out of having lunch with my fellow teachers. I grabbed a quick burger and planted myself at my desk. And I prayed. I could not go back in that hole I lived in for ten plus years. I had found happiness and peace with my life. What was wrong with me? I begged the Lord to please remind me that He was enough. That no man, woman, or child would ever make me happy. I knew this. I just needed some assurance. Some help. Like maybe a rope to help me climb back up again. I don't know where the despair came from, but I knew I didn't want to stay there. And He was the only One who could deliver me. And you know what? He did. There was no supernatural light or wind from Heaven. I didn't get a sudden warm, gushy feeling. And I didn't even hear a still, small voice. Nothing like that. But as the hour progressed, I ate my lunch and started working in my classroom. A couple of my teacher friends stopped by my classroom to greet me, since I missed lunch with them. I chatted with my mom on the phone for a few minutes about completely unrelated topics. And after a while, I noticed that the cloud was gone. Completely. It was a humbling experience, to say the least. I was reminded that I am still human. I glory in what He's accomplished in my life, but there are still bumps in the road. And if those bumps keep me going back to Him for the assurance that He's all I need, than I'm thankful for those bumps. I guess if there was a "spiritual moment" to get me back on track, it didn't happen until I was on my way home to get ready for Open House. One of my favorite groups, Greater Vision, was singing a song (Written by Rodney Griffin) I'd heard dozens of times. But today, the chorus really stuck with me, especially after the day I'd had. Now, to some, these lyrics may not seem all that remarkable. The words are simple. But they struck a chord. "He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Anchor He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Rock He Is To Me my Saviour In Whom I place my trust He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Comfort He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Joy He Is To Me my Master He Is To Me my Lord" On a day that I was feeling suddenly alone and very lonely, it uplifted my spirit to be reminded that He is everything I need. He's my Anchor, my Comfort and Joy, my Rock and my Lord. I hope this post will encourage you in some way. We all have those moments or even those days where we can't find the silver lining. But even in those moments, we can rest assured that He is all we need. And He holds us safe... In His Grip! Crystal "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
My favorite way of studying my Bible is to have a simple dictionary nearby. The one I use is a 1993 Webster's Dictionary that I got for $1 at the Dollar General Store. It's dog-eared and outdated, and sometimes does not have particular words I'm looking for. But for the most part, it's served me well. I'm always amazed at how the scriptures open up in a remarkable new way for me, just by looking up the definition of words. This morning, I did a study on Philippians 4:8. (You know..."Whatsoever things are true...") I was amazed at the depth of meaning behind each of the virtues Paul encouraged us to think on. For example, Webster defines "pure" as "free from anything that damages, weakens, or contaminates; innocent; clean." Pretty deep, huh? I said all that to get to this. Have you ever considered the word "good"? I mean really considered it? It's probably one of the most commonly used words in our daily conversations. "This is good." "That was a good movie." "She's a good actress." "It tastes so good." "He's a good person." "She's a good kid." See what I mean? But what does it mean to be good? I know I've always considered it an average, noncommittal compliment. If something is all right but not great, we say it was good. Getting a B on our report card is a good grade, but we really want an excellent grade, an A. If we say something is pretty good, it was maybe better than okay. One of my favorite characters in books and movies is Anne Shirley (Anne with an e). She always had her own unique knack for saying things. In the second movie, Anne of Avonlea, she is lamenting over her best friend's choice of a husband. Her complaint? That he was "extremely good." By that, she meant he was unadventurous, simple, not exciting. And as a teenage girl, I thought I understood what she meant. And even today, I catch myself wanting to be more than just "good." I don't want to lay in my casket and people have nothing more to say about me than, "She was a good person." Then one day, during one of my private Bible studies, I looked it up in my dictionary. And I was floored. The meaning took away the plainness of this trait and elevated it to something to be sought after. I realized that I (along with many of my peers and fellow Americans) had been cheapening the word all this time with overuse and misconception. The word "good" means so much more than "okay" or "average." This word is pulsating with meaning and depth. In fact, I'd go so far to say that being good takes more out of a person than a mediocre try. To be good takes intentional purpose. So, what does it mean exactly? In my faithful Webster's dictionary, it says "good" is "having desirable or favorable qualities or characteristics; morally excellent; virtuous; well-behaved; tractable; proper; excellent in degree or quality; unspoiled; fresh; healthy; striking or attractive." Did it hit you the way it hit me? Did you catch all of those impressive descriptions? I especially likes "morally excellent." How interesting that we use the word good to describe something that is not quite up there with "excellent," but that very word is used to describe "good!" I don't know about you, but being "excellent in degree or quality" sounds a little more difficult than just average behavior. To be good means you have to work at it, seek after it, want it. It's not just some throw-away compliment to assure someone that their work is not bad. Good means "excellent in quality!" So, from that particular study, I was able to walk away with a greater sense of understanding of just how great it is to be good. And think of the many times good (or a form of the word) is used in the Bible. "The fruits of the Spirit are...goodness." "There is none good but the Father..." "whatsoever things are of good report..." God wants us to be good, to possess that invaluable trait of goodness. When I use the word "good" now, I can't help but remember what I learned. That's not to say I don't still overuse it. ("That was good pizza!") But, when I think about myself, I now strive to be good. And if someday, when I'm gone, if people can say sincerely that I was a good person, I can't think of a greater compliment. May we all strive to be good. Boy, that was good, wasn't it? In His Grip! Crystal "A good man obtaineth favour of the Lord..." Proverbs 12:2a
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